Once again I would like to share with you all the gift of gift giving...I don't know how many of you have read the book "The Five Love Languages", but it was one of THE most influential books in my marriage. My husband and I are SOooooooooo very different on SOOOOoooooo many issues that we needed another way to convey our love to one another...communication was not always easy...or pleasant. BUT, since reading this book, we have discovered each other's love language...and now we "get" what makes the other feel loved. Here are the 5 basic love languages (in no particular order):
1. Acts of Service
2. Quality Time
3. Gifts
4. Physical Affection
5. Words of Affirmation
Knowing your spouse's love language gives you a "secret weapon" in your arsenal of marriage tools. It gives you something to do that you KNOW will ALWAYS speak love to your spouse. How great is THAT?!?!
Needless to say, most couples do NOT speak the same "language." And since we tend to "speak" our "native tongue" we express our love the way WE would like to be loved.
For example, MY love language is gifts...with a quality time component. Meaning, I LOVE to receive gifts that have been thoughtfully and carefully selected...just for ME. One of the BEST GIFTS I've ever received from hubby dear was a little snack cake called a "Banana Flip" (remember those?) In conversation one time, we were talking about our dad's saving us a bit of their dessert from the lunch box...I mentioned that banana flips were my childhood favorite. One day he came home from work bearing a banana flip! It was wonderful! He's gotten a LOT of mileage out of that one very thoughtful gesture, believe me!
My husband's love language is acts of service. So the best way for ME to express love to him is to cook a meal, clean the house, get the oil changed in the car, etc. Of course, HE is always helping around the house, because that is HIS way of expressing love for me.
I never understood why I would get a "polite" response at Christmas time when he would open gifts I had painstakingly pondered, sought, and purchased. And why he NEVER got me ANYTHING on my list (because my list is NEVER practical). So you see...in the words of "Cool Hand Luke" 'What we have here is a failure to communicate.'"
NOW I know to give him "coupons" for assorted acts of service I can provide for him throughout the year. And HE knows to give ME gifts. Which brings me, (FINALLY) to the point of this post...here is my PARTIAL (and certainly NOT exhaustive) Christmas list for 2009:
6. This Adorable "Mo Chapeau"
9. Art Retreat
Christmas Craft Video Soon to Come! Stay tuned!
Paula Clare
4 comments:
Paula, Did I ever need this post! Just as I finished, there was applause! After 30 years of marriage I finally "get it". My husband and I do not have the same language at all. Yesterday I put away the paper (I know, a sacrifice)and told him I would SIT by him and read for the next hour or so. MY GOSH you would have thought we were at a space shuttle launching. He was SO HAPPY! Big thanks for this post. OH, I came here to say I was too embarrassed to ask if you would like the extra set of photos, they were spoken for late last night. If it is okay with you, I will save future antique mall photos for you. Husband gone for a week - time to speak my own language - craft until midnight! E
That is a great book. It really helped me understand my sweetheart better. Even after so many years of marriage I still needed the reminder.
Paula,
Wow.....I have been married going on 31 years and I just realized our communication blips are because of the language barrier! I have always thought that husbands and wives came with two totally different sets of intructions, but this really helped nail it! I love your list....this is also a great idea for my husband....he can see it, find it, and pay for it all at once! LOL
I was always curious about that book. I've heard great things about it, yet never have read it. Thanks for sharing!
Cath Kidson--HUGE over here. There are stores and everything.
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